I got this the day my mom died

To: josiesoho
Date received: September 30, 2005
Subject: June Cleaver, eh?

"Your profile is as wacky as mine in its own way. I'm kind of jealous. I don't know whether June would be trolling the internet for 35 year old guys though (too conservative for that), but I think it's awesome. Why not push it back another decade? You're cute enough, Mrs. Cleaver." - Eddie Haskell

By the way, do you know that old dirty "Leave It to Beaver " joke? What were the first erotic words ever spoken on television? "Gee, Ward, you were kind of hard on the Beaver last night."

Well, you know it now.

Look, I said it was a joke. I never said it was a funny joke.

My name is Ward every once in a while, as when I am made a ward of the state, or involuntarily confined to a ward where the walls are as soft as the sofas and sharp objects are verboten. Am I joking again? Only the Shadow knows, and it isn't talking, at least until dark two-dimensional objects evolve larynxes (larynges if you want to be pedantic about it).

What about sixties blondes Mia Farrow, or Elizabeth Montgomery, or Barbara Eden? Hey, you could nod your head and make me disappear along with this email; how great would that be right now? Actually, from your picture you could be a slightly more mature Charlize Theron.

Feel free to email me directly. I hate the matchsticks.com email - no spel chekc function, no draft, deleted emails after 30 days, etc.

Don't be frightened by all this. The internet is quite anonymous unless you wish it to be otherwise, and these walls are made of reinforced concrete, and the doors are always locked, but are scheduled to be opened on All Hallow's Eve. Hey, what was that artsy-fartsy movie, "La Cage aux Folles"? I would check the internet, but would probably lose this masterful email as a temporary file - no draft, as I said above, except through the bars of my small window.

See ya,

Some other guy

Hey buddy, you're really fuckin' funny ya know? You're another freakin' James Frey.
Glad I didn't find this till today. Doing!

P.S. Apparently it's been proven - Frey lies too. 1.14.06